So, you’re looking to outfit your battlesuit, friend? Well let me tell you, all of those Missile Pods and Fusion Blasters are just a waste of your time. Let me sell you on the real deal- the Burst Cannon.
I’m gonna be straight with you friend, because you look like a straight shooter- a smart guy who knows his highly-advanced plasma projection weaponry. I bet you’ve been to a couple different dealers, looking for the best buy money can find on an upgrade. What are you buying for, a four-door Crisis? Hammerhead with an extended cab? Don’t let those other phonies sell you on an expensive gun you won’t use, what you’re need for is a nice, affordable Burst Cannon that will do the job perfectly.
Now, I know you’re thinking “is this guy a total rube or what?” And five years ago, I would’ve been right with you- all of those M39-era Burst Cannons were real lemons, not fit to shoot a Grot out of cover. But I tell you, the new M41 Burst Cannons are a whole different animal, and let me tell you why.
What’s the most important thing on a gun, the real driving force? That’s right, it’s number of shots- and don’t let no commie swindler tell you otherwise. More shots means more kills, more damage, more chances to take out the enemy, no two ways about it- and brother, the Burst Cannon has shots in spades. Six, count ’em six shots just on the basic model, and it only goes up from there; if you’re willing to shell out for a High-Output spec or even an Accelerator version, you are in the real money and your enemy will not live to regret it. You’ve heard about all of those d6 shot blast weapons, and how they can max out against a horde? Well, my friend, with a Burst Cannon you are going to get six shots every single time guaranteed, no need for dice or choosing an easy target. That’s nearly twice what my competitors over at Airbursting Fragmentation Inc can offer you and a full sextuple what some measly PlasmaCo Rifle is going to get you.
Now, you say “But what if I’m worried about the strength of my shots?” And sir, you have every right to be concerned there- a strong man needs a strong gun, and I can tell from looking that you’re stronger than five circus sideshows carrying ten circus sideshows, if you don’t mind me saying. Well, if that’s your worry, rest assured- the Burst Cannon is a weapon of above-average strength in all cases, besting the competition nearly every time. Oh, certainly, we may not be able to compare to a Fusion, but would you rather have one eight dollar bill or six fives? That’s just good value, my friend, and if you don’t believe me I’ll take that trade any day of the week. Best of all it comes with the Burst Corporation Guarantee- we will not wound any infantry in the game on worse than a 4+, or your full points value back.
Now, I know you’ve heard some rumors about Armor Piercing problems with some models of Burst Cannons, but let me be the first to dispel all of that hogwash- Burst Cannons can have just as good of AP as any other weapon you’ll see on an infantry model, or my name isn’t Bob “Burster” Shannon. First, let me address the myth that all Burst Cannons are AP0- that’s absolutely untrue, wholly and categorically. We’ve got a beauty of an Accelerator Burst Cannon here on the lot that can eat up a point of save on anything you shoot it at, no questions asked, and with sixteen shots that is sure to give your enemies a real headache. If you’re looking to spend a little more, an Advanced or High-Output model can do the same thing for one of your character models (and let’s be honest, it’s really your characters that you care about) with a pretty minimal down payment. And if you’re a real go-getter (and I can tell that you are, with that strong jawline and powerful physique) you add in a little bit of Mont’ka and voila– you’re punching through armor like a gen-u-ine Missile Pod any day of the week!
Now, maybe you’re looking at some of those other weapon dealers and rethinking this- “Maybe I really do want something with higher strength, just in case,” you might be thinking. And brother, I wouldn’t blame you- when it comes to your family’s safety, who doesn’t want the highest-strength weapon money can buy? But let me ask you this: how many Fusion Blasters can you afford, in this economy? A Burst Cannon will get you practically the same performance for half the price of a Missile or Fusion weapon, while still outperforming some sort of made-in-Imperium trash choice like a Flamer or- and I hate to even say it with the lady around- a… well, a Frag Projector, pardon my Gothic. That’s no choice for a family man, if you ask me.
Now, I’m sure you want to think this over a bit- there’s a lot of weapons to choose from, and you don’t want to make a mistake, so I’ll just leave you the price sheet here to take a glance over with the missus. But if I were you I’d make it snappy- we’ve only got two left on the lot and there was a Ghostkeel in here just a few hours ago that said he was looking to buy, and friend, you know Ghostkeels- they only ever buy in pairs.